Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
its liver damage thursday
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize