i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
