If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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