Your face is a jimmy john
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
