My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize