1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
