Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
