i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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