Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
