okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
