just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
