She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
whose parrot is this?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
