so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
