But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
ok first of all what the fuck
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
