I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
