My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There r osticjed everywhere
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
40s are totally the cure
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
