I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
