sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
