judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
