No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
