I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
