Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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