this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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