After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
