My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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