He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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