Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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