Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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