my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
