I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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