by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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