I am spending my child support on dildos
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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