420 ftw
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
