The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
