so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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