So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
