K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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