My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize