Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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