you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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