You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
