She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
