Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize