She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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