wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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