He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
