Your face is a jimmy john
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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