M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
