i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize