so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
try to milk me bitch
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
