Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
