State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
