Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
