Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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