I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
