new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My Sexting was not on an AP level
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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