I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
