I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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