Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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