Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
