We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
whose ass print is on the piano?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
