I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
As shirtless as possible
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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