I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
