remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
