That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
