I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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