this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
