How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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